late!

It wasnt the first time i skipped games on a sunday.
well, i didnt actually skip it this time, nevertheless, i was late.

very Filipino.
very Me.

I dont know why i dont see anything wrong with being late. maybe it has been ingrained in me that two, three, five minutes of absence wont change or wont hurt anybody.
well, this time, i got something out of being late.

Our sunday DBYC apostolate ends at 4PM. i had KOA practice at three, ended about five minutes to four, and had to attend to individual KOA concerns of the boys. and just before i thought i was free and could play, one of the small boys of the group said that he forgot something up in the now-barred choir loft of the chapel.
so i said, oh, well, what's two or three minutes to assist this boy in getting his stuff?

it was already four o'two by then.

right after we found the keys (that is, after frantically running here and there looking for the key-holder), our friend and batchmate extern-novice Edward, was shouting my name from afar and making BIG gestures, saying, you've got to go to the field and start playing! Fr. Niorz is already fired up, because you're late!

without asking anythig, i knew i was guilty.
and after four months of not being scolded, i relished that feeling which surged into my veins saying patay! lagot nanaman ako! what's my excuse this time?

I bade goodbye to the kid, making sure he got what he needed, and ran, no actually walked in a guilty-looking manner, up the novitiate hill. i was hiding my shame with a smile, when, as if in perfect timing, we passed the football field, and i saw my novice master calling me from afar.
i walked up to him. guilty, but knew that i had nothig to be afraid of. he's not a type who's going to eat you alive, and in public.

he asked me a few questions and made his point. Budget your time. this is not the fist time that happened. and sent me off to suit up.

and on that long, upward walk from the field to the novitiate house, i couldnt but smile and acknowledge my guilt. it was, i think, for the first time, when i didnt have any hard feelings and grumbles after a scolding. it was during that short time, that i felt i had overcome my agressiveness, and just accepted the fact that i was WRONG.

i've never been at home with that realization. because many times, i cover my mistakes with justifications, with ill-feelings, with counter-attacks to the one who corrected me. but at least for that one big and noble moment, i think i just felt what it was like to be humble.
Accepting.
Acknowledging.
Pledging to do better next time.