a teacher's soliloquy

It seems that the only time i can write here is when something comes to a close -- in that way, i could gather my wits again, and look at the whole picture from a slight distance.

One whole quarter has just passed. And boy, am i so exhausted!
No, it is not the kind that would send me to bed for weeks, nor is it the kind that would make me give up what i'm doing. It's the kind of exhaustion that makes me say "Whoa! i couldn't believe i came through!"

Relieved and grateful i am about all these, i still couldnt imagine that i was able to walk into a classroom of uncouth young men, staring you at the eye, as if waiting for their next prey.
I remember that first day very vividly. i was trembling, figuratively and literally. And finally, after my whole eight-hour monologue-agony, i couldnt wait for the next day.

Teaching has been what i always wanted to do. Well, aside from dreaming of becoming a stage thespian someday, or a professional solo singer of a well-paying production company, i'd still find my home in front of the chalkboard, and behind that elite teacher's desk. It may not be the most comfortable position one can have -- imagine being stared at by 40-or-so students, and being followers of your every word -- it is, for me, the most rewarding at the end of the day.

Having said all these, i couldnt but affirm myself that my teaching failures are not the end. I may have stumbled and fallen many times, but this should only teach me that i should keep my feet on the ground. I may have been very idealistic about myself, but this should only teach me that the best is yet to come.

for my students, thank you for those valuable lessons. for my mentors, thank you for being an inspiration and model!