November 17 -- It was a totally unexpected text message. It read: "Miggy, Congrats! pasado ka rin!" It was from Gon, my classmate who also took the Licensure Examinations for Teachers. I couldnt believe what i read. I remember myself literally holding back my screams of pure excitement and relief while i read the message to everyone. Fortunately, almost all my co teachers were there, who were equally anxious in awaiting the results. Very amusingly, when my co teachers heard about it, we all dashed to the computer to check it out. Together with me, was Sir Emil. He too, took the exam last September 28, and my, if there was an anxiety meter, his would go way beyond the acceptable limit! Then, lo and behold, his name, together with mine appeared gloriously on the LET Passers list.
Then, we were all able to sigh with relief.
Its funny, now that I have crossed that challenge in every teacher's life, that at first glance, my name is merely a part of the thousand other names written on a black and white broadsheet, and merely a link among the many links on a webpage. Come to think of it, those names are, after all, just names once you are not a part of the action.
And it is equally funny when i think that at this very moment in my life, half of my vocation has been actually fulfilled. i AM a teacher. and this is already for REAL.
But on second thought, two weeks after that text message, no prizes were awarded, no special treatment was given, no extra talents were added. That teacher, who reviewed for the test, took it, and passed it, is that same teacher all throughout. That list will remain a list if i myself, dont take it to the next level. No, it doesnt mean that i should be fighting for the raise in my salary, but that i should take teaching as seriously as i should do breathing.
After all, teaching is not measured in the hours you spend blah blah-ing in the classroom, but in the values you exemplify and form in the young minds who need it.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Picking up the Fragments
When we were students, we never thought that our teachers themselves had recollections.
All we knew was that every Tuesday during the examination week, classes would be canceled, and we would pound our minds on our books and notes, attempting to "integrate" everything for the coming exams. Little did I know that while i was at home, anxious about the three-day agony, my teachers were doing some "integrating" on their own.
Its quite amusing that I only knew about this now that i am part of the faculty myself.
And just today, while all of my students were doing what i did six years and so ago, i was enjoying a different privilege of taking my time out with God.
Our half-day recollection was facilitated by Fr. Ben Borja, SDB, in the Small Chapel of the school. He shared his reflections on Jesus as the Model Educator. He enumerated eight points by which we, Salesian Educators, could take Jesus as our model in teaching. Getting his premise from the maxim: "nemo dat non quod habet," or "we cannot give what we do not have," he points out that we teachers should get our inspiration from the Holy Spirit Himself, instead of exhausting ourselves in a mere daily "performance" for the boys.
I was struck by many points. The greatest of them, being the question: "What is my reason for teaching?"
I got fixed right there. I know that i've answered this question a lot of times, and have convinced myself that i had the correct answer all along. But why was i still stuck with this fundamental question to myself? Am I too fixed in the past that i fail to look for new answers? Am I asking too much of myself that merely satisfying the question is never at hand? What is my motivation? What is my driving force? What has put me, and has kept me going through these trying months?
There i was, sitting alone in the chapel. Asking. Thinking. Meditating.
But i never got an answer.
I think i broke myself into a little too many fragments since the school year started. And "recollecting" them in such a short time was very insufficient. Its just like what my spiritual director told me: answers to everything don't come when you expect it. it is like catching a butterfly: the more you move and the more you try to catch it, the more it will fly away. But once you sit down and stay completely still, even without you knowing it, it will come to you.
The main point of a recollection is precisely to "collect again." To collect the memories, fragments, and events of my life and "integrate" it into something which will make me a better person. Tonight, my recollection does not end. i hope that when i come back to school tomorrow, for the first day of the exams, i would be able to see the very inspiration which led me and gave me strength to educate with Jesus' heart: my students.
All we knew was that every Tuesday during the examination week, classes would be canceled, and we would pound our minds on our books and notes, attempting to "integrate" everything for the coming exams. Little did I know that while i was at home, anxious about the three-day agony, my teachers were doing some "integrating" on their own.
Its quite amusing that I only knew about this now that i am part of the faculty myself.
And just today, while all of my students were doing what i did six years and so ago, i was enjoying a different privilege of taking my time out with God.
Our half-day recollection was facilitated by Fr. Ben Borja, SDB, in the Small Chapel of the school. He shared his reflections on Jesus as the Model Educator. He enumerated eight points by which we, Salesian Educators, could take Jesus as our model in teaching. Getting his premise from the maxim: "nemo dat non quod habet," or "we cannot give what we do not have," he points out that we teachers should get our inspiration from the Holy Spirit Himself, instead of exhausting ourselves in a mere daily "performance" for the boys.
I was struck by many points. The greatest of them, being the question: "What is my reason for teaching?"
I got fixed right there. I know that i've answered this question a lot of times, and have convinced myself that i had the correct answer all along. But why was i still stuck with this fundamental question to myself? Am I too fixed in the past that i fail to look for new answers? Am I asking too much of myself that merely satisfying the question is never at hand? What is my motivation? What is my driving force? What has put me, and has kept me going through these trying months?
There i was, sitting alone in the chapel. Asking. Thinking. Meditating.
But i never got an answer.
I think i broke myself into a little too many fragments since the school year started. And "recollecting" them in such a short time was very insufficient. Its just like what my spiritual director told me: answers to everything don't come when you expect it. it is like catching a butterfly: the more you move and the more you try to catch it, the more it will fly away. But once you sit down and stay completely still, even without you knowing it, it will come to you.
The main point of a recollection is precisely to "collect again." To collect the memories, fragments, and events of my life and "integrate" it into something which will make me a better person. Tonight, my recollection does not end. i hope that when i come back to school tomorrow, for the first day of the exams, i would be able to see the very inspiration which led me and gave me strength to educate with Jesus' heart: my students.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
I never thought i would...
...witness the mayhem of the High School department Intrams Opening once again.
It was pure adrenaline.
Many things have changed since my last intrams opening in DBTC. Surprisingly, many things have somehow managed to stay the same.
I was utterly surprised when i learned that there were already alliances formed among the houses. This is a welcome change for one who has left the institution for six years now. Apparently, among the six houses, the houses of Variara and Versiglia have merged, as well as the houses of Rua and Rinaldi (the house where i belonged). On a last minute move, the house of Kowalski fused with our group, leaving Caravario with no ally. I wondered what the alliances were for. My question was answered when i observed that each house was not only cheering for itself, but was greatly helped by its comrades.
On the opposite end, i felt very much at home when, during the announcement of winners, everyone felt happy for each other. With sir Javier holding the mic while the winners were being proclaimed, one could really feel the energy around the whole gymnasium. The declaration started with: "The Most Active House award goes to..." then, a long pause, while everyone waited in anticipation. "The Most Active House award goes to... the house of..." another pause. "The house of RINALDI!!!" And everyone jumped from their seats all going to the center court which was now filled with people. It has always been a hair-raising experience which bosconians only feel once in a year.
And now that the rush is over, it will take a whole lot of effort to go back to the usual routine. After spending a whole week practicing, preparing, and polishing all our gimmicks, both students and teachers will surely get creaky as Monday creeps in for regular classes.
On a personal note, i too have a hangover from last week's extravaganza. i really do not know what would await this coming week of regularities. however, a thought of Don Bosco lingers in my mind: it is not the special things which require extraordinary attention. it is the ordinary duties, done extraordinarily well which brings salvation.
Happy regular week, everyone!!
It was pure adrenaline.
Many things have changed since my last intrams opening in DBTC. Surprisingly, many things have somehow managed to stay the same.
I was utterly surprised when i learned that there were already alliances formed among the houses. This is a welcome change for one who has left the institution for six years now. Apparently, among the six houses, the houses of Variara and Versiglia have merged, as well as the houses of Rua and Rinaldi (the house where i belonged). On a last minute move, the house of Kowalski fused with our group, leaving Caravario with no ally. I wondered what the alliances were for. My question was answered when i observed that each house was not only cheering for itself, but was greatly helped by its comrades.
On the opposite end, i felt very much at home when, during the announcement of winners, everyone felt happy for each other. With sir Javier holding the mic while the winners were being proclaimed, one could really feel the energy around the whole gymnasium. The declaration started with: "The Most Active House award goes to..." then, a long pause, while everyone waited in anticipation. "The Most Active House award goes to... the house of..." another pause. "The house of RINALDI!!!" And everyone jumped from their seats all going to the center court which was now filled with people. It has always been a hair-raising experience which bosconians only feel once in a year.
And now that the rush is over, it will take a whole lot of effort to go back to the usual routine. After spending a whole week practicing, preparing, and polishing all our gimmicks, both students and teachers will surely get creaky as Monday creeps in for regular classes.
On a personal note, i too have a hangover from last week's extravaganza. i really do not know what would await this coming week of regularities. however, a thought of Don Bosco lingers in my mind: it is not the special things which require extraordinary attention. it is the ordinary duties, done extraordinarily well which brings salvation.
Happy regular week, everyone!!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
a teacher's soliloquy
It seems that the only time i can write here is when something comes to a close -- in that way, i could gather my wits again, and look at the whole picture from a slight distance.
One whole quarter has just passed. And boy, am i so exhausted!
No, it is not the kind that would send me to bed for weeks, nor is it the kind that would make me give up what i'm doing. It's the kind of exhaustion that makes me say "Whoa! i couldn't believe i came through!"
Relieved and grateful i am about all these, i still couldnt imagine that i was able to walk into a classroom of uncouth young men, staring you at the eye, as if waiting for their next prey.
I remember that first day very vividly. i was trembling, figuratively and literally. And finally, after my whole eight-hour monologue-agony, i couldnt wait for the next day.
Teaching has been what i always wanted to do. Well, aside from dreaming of becoming a stage thespian someday, or a professional solo singer of a well-paying production company, i'd still find my home in front of the chalkboard, and behind that elite teacher's desk. It may not be the most comfortable position one can have -- imagine being stared at by 40-or-so students, and being followers of your every word -- it is, for me, the most rewarding at the end of the day.
Having said all these, i couldnt but affirm myself that my teaching failures are not the end. I may have stumbled and fallen many times, but this should only teach me that i should keep my feet on the ground. I may have been very idealistic about myself, but this should only teach me that the best is yet to come.
for my students, thank you for those valuable lessons. for my mentors, thank you for being an inspiration and model!
One whole quarter has just passed. And boy, am i so exhausted!
No, it is not the kind that would send me to bed for weeks, nor is it the kind that would make me give up what i'm doing. It's the kind of exhaustion that makes me say "Whoa! i couldn't believe i came through!"
Relieved and grateful i am about all these, i still couldnt imagine that i was able to walk into a classroom of uncouth young men, staring you at the eye, as if waiting for their next prey.
I remember that first day very vividly. i was trembling, figuratively and literally. And finally, after my whole eight-hour monologue-agony, i couldnt wait for the next day.
Teaching has been what i always wanted to do. Well, aside from dreaming of becoming a stage thespian someday, or a professional solo singer of a well-paying production company, i'd still find my home in front of the chalkboard, and behind that elite teacher's desk. It may not be the most comfortable position one can have -- imagine being stared at by 40-or-so students, and being followers of your every word -- it is, for me, the most rewarding at the end of the day.
Having said all these, i couldnt but affirm myself that my teaching failures are not the end. I may have stumbled and fallen many times, but this should only teach me that i should keep my feet on the ground. I may have been very idealistic about myself, but this should only teach me that the best is yet to come.
for my students, thank you for those valuable lessons. for my mentors, thank you for being an inspiration and model!
Friday, April 18, 2008
It is Finished!
I officially ended my short stint as a College Professor yesterday, April 17, at three o'clock in the afternoon. It was after a whole day of checking, computng and balancing grades that i finally surrendered and said to myself, "Well, it's officially over."
Our last day of class actually was two days back. Tuesday, we watched RENT, a stunning Broadway musical about a group of young artists trying to survive the world in the midst of many troubles: poverty, the AIDS epidemic, drugs, and above all, the year's apartment rent. Talking about the movie a little bit, i'd give it ten stars for its wonderful music, powerful cast and riveting story. until now, the message of the film lingers in me because it not only is a Pulitzer prize winner, but a poignant reflection of real life, seen in a culture a lot different from ours, but nonetheless a lot similar to our human struggles.
Capping the film, we had a short discussion with the class. I was taken aback by their insights and their realizations based on the story. I've come up with my own:
1. Life is not ours. We just RENT it and pay back for it someday.
2. "There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way,
No day but today."
- Live your life to the full. yup, i took a breather from the seminary, but it doesnt stop me from living a life as equally full and as equally fulfilling as that when i was part of the formation house.
- Regret for the past and anxiety for what is yet to come is the Devil's work.
3. How do you measure your life? not in years, not in accomplishments, not in problems nr victories. You measure your life in Love. How much have you loved? Have you loved as Jesus loved?
These suddenly made me miss my Literature class. I left them with these words: "I learned alot from you, i hope you learned alot from me too. Life is very meaningful. Find it."
Our last day of class actually was two days back. Tuesday, we watched RENT, a stunning Broadway musical about a group of young artists trying to survive the world in the midst of many troubles: poverty, the AIDS epidemic, drugs, and above all, the year's apartment rent. Talking about the movie a little bit, i'd give it ten stars for its wonderful music, powerful cast and riveting story. until now, the message of the film lingers in me because it not only is a Pulitzer prize winner, but a poignant reflection of real life, seen in a culture a lot different from ours, but nonetheless a lot similar to our human struggles.
Capping the film, we had a short discussion with the class. I was taken aback by their insights and their realizations based on the story. I've come up with my own:
1. Life is not ours. We just RENT it and pay back for it someday.
2. "There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way,
No day but today."
- Live your life to the full. yup, i took a breather from the seminary, but it doesnt stop me from living a life as equally full and as equally fulfilling as that when i was part of the formation house.
- Regret for the past and anxiety for what is yet to come is the Devil's work.
3. How do you measure your life? not in years, not in accomplishments, not in problems nr victories. You measure your life in Love. How much have you loved? Have you loved as Jesus loved?
These suddenly made me miss my Literature class. I left them with these words: "I learned alot from you, i hope you learned alot from me too. Life is very meaningful. Find it."
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Failure...
I love this word. it sounds so sophisticated and clean. nevertheless, behind it is a truckload of subtexts which we ought not say out here.
When things go wrong, people around me hear my "failure." this is not original by the way. Giving credit to where it is due, Fr. Dong Ofina, SDB and Fr. Nioret Geronimo, SDB, have been the proponents of the "Failure" fever.
Anyway, today, a Failure has just occured, and i just couldnt keep it to myself.
I told my World Lit class to research and get hold of a copy of one of the chapters of Khalil Gibran's the Prophet. They did come to class prepared. Little did they know that it was their teacher who was not ready (i hate coming to class ill-prepared. when that happens, i feel that i am the worst teacher in town).
I didnt give justice to such a great work of wisdom and of literature. During the class, i didnt give a backgrounder on the text, a sketch of the author, a cultural insight, not even a praise for the work, which might inspire them in creating their assignment. Nothing. I instead set them free for the long four hour period, leaving them with the task to make a lame ONE-page reflection paper on any chapter they chose.
it was only when i left the room that i realized the terrible injustice i have caused. i felt that i have not demanded enough from them, which might cause them to think less critically about the work and about their life. If only i had come to class more prepared, more inspired, more clear about what i wanted them to learn, then i wouldnt have said "Failure" after all.
Ill make it up next time. This was a mistake meant to be learned from.
When things go wrong, people around me hear my "failure." this is not original by the way. Giving credit to where it is due, Fr. Dong Ofina, SDB and Fr. Nioret Geronimo, SDB, have been the proponents of the "Failure" fever.
Anyway, today, a Failure has just occured, and i just couldnt keep it to myself.
I told my World Lit class to research and get hold of a copy of one of the chapters of Khalil Gibran's the Prophet. They did come to class prepared. Little did they know that it was their teacher who was not ready (i hate coming to class ill-prepared. when that happens, i feel that i am the worst teacher in town).
I didnt give justice to such a great work of wisdom and of literature. During the class, i didnt give a backgrounder on the text, a sketch of the author, a cultural insight, not even a praise for the work, which might inspire them in creating their assignment. Nothing. I instead set them free for the long four hour period, leaving them with the task to make a lame ONE-page reflection paper on any chapter they chose.
it was only when i left the room that i realized the terrible injustice i have caused. i felt that i have not demanded enough from them, which might cause them to think less critically about the work and about their life. If only i had come to class more prepared, more inspired, more clear about what i wanted them to learn, then i wouldnt have said "Failure" after all.
Ill make it up next time. This was a mistake meant to be learned from.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Teaching College
I went back to Don Bosco Canlubang just to get my transcipt and diploma. little did i know that the teacher-scarcity phenomenon is still raging. Without hesitation, our school registrar asked, nay, pleaded me to teach at least one subject in their english curriculum. And after much thought, i gave in. i took the dreaded World Literature to occupy me while waiting for my real job in Don Bosco Mandaluyong.
The course was apparently compressed to fifteen days. what's more, i would be dealing not with English Majors, rather, with Technical Education majors, all incoming fourth years. Whoa! i said. could i teach a crash course on world lit to a bunch of guys who might not even be able to use this in real life?
But what the heck. i need a little brushing up on my literary assets anyway. So i took the challenge, more for my development.
So far, we've just finished Ancient and Medieval literature, and we're midway with the Renaissance era. It just amazes me how brilliant these guys could be. Well, aside from coming late sometimes, i'm able to squeeze out juicy and pragmatic ideas from them. As a teacher, this is the only and the greatest consolation: that in the end, you form these young people to get the best out of life.
Looking from another perspective, i'm not yet qualified to teach college, but it's rather bringing out the best in me too. slowly, im starting to learn techniques like having to be strict in the classroom, sticking to rules and being consistent, which would be of great use for me once i step inside the High School environment.
Six days of class have gone, and so far, i'm looking forward to the remaining nine. Thank God, the PASSION hasn't burned out.
The course was apparently compressed to fifteen days. what's more, i would be dealing not with English Majors, rather, with Technical Education majors, all incoming fourth years. Whoa! i said. could i teach a crash course on world lit to a bunch of guys who might not even be able to use this in real life?
But what the heck. i need a little brushing up on my literary assets anyway. So i took the challenge, more for my development.
So far, we've just finished Ancient and Medieval literature, and we're midway with the Renaissance era. It just amazes me how brilliant these guys could be. Well, aside from coming late sometimes, i'm able to squeeze out juicy and pragmatic ideas from them. As a teacher, this is the only and the greatest consolation: that in the end, you form these young people to get the best out of life.
Looking from another perspective, i'm not yet qualified to teach college, but it's rather bringing out the best in me too. slowly, im starting to learn techniques like having to be strict in the classroom, sticking to rules and being consistent, which would be of great use for me once i step inside the High School environment.
Six days of class have gone, and so far, i'm looking forward to the remaining nine. Thank God, the PASSION hasn't burned out.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
My First EDSA Experience
I've traveled that road a million times since I was a child.
But this time, it was like i was treading on alien soil.
We left for our lola's house in Quezon City at 2pm today, and, already seated in the car were my two brothers: Ponso at the very back of our Innova, and Gaboy in the co-pilot's chair. I surmised that neither Mama nor Papa would do the driving, so with jittery hands and sweaty feet, i hopped on and took the dare.
Going to Quezon City from Mandaluyong was easiest via EDSA. And EDSA has never been a pretty sight for me. But with no holds barred, i drove off, ever mindful of my gear-changing, my footwork and the occasional bastards dotting the lanes of EDSA.
It was an exhilarating experience having to sit behind the wheel. i observed THREE THINGS, which i never took notice of before:
1. The lanes in the infamous EDSA are never straight. they'd curve a little to the right at one point, then a little to the left at another. the most scary part is that it even grows narrow. and this calls for extra maneuvering work. (phew!)
2. My maximum speed is 60 kph. (okay, so i can hear your snickering now...) two things: its better to be slow than sorry, and, I'm just a neophyte.
3. (This is connected to #2) People really don't mind if you're slow. Yes, they'll overtake you and stuff, but it's really an each-to-his-own-car world out there. whether you drive at top speed or turtle behind the others, just as long as you dont hit anyone, stall at the middle of the road or change lanes without making any signal whatsoever, you're pretty sure that you'll come out alive.
Im grateful that we did come out alive after that grueling 45 minute drive. and im also thatnkful because today, i've grown a little more out of my hollow shell.
But this time, it was like i was treading on alien soil.
We left for our lola's house in Quezon City at 2pm today, and, already seated in the car were my two brothers: Ponso at the very back of our Innova, and Gaboy in the co-pilot's chair. I surmised that neither Mama nor Papa would do the driving, so with jittery hands and sweaty feet, i hopped on and took the dare.
Going to Quezon City from Mandaluyong was easiest via EDSA. And EDSA has never been a pretty sight for me. But with no holds barred, i drove off, ever mindful of my gear-changing, my footwork and the occasional bastards dotting the lanes of EDSA.
It was an exhilarating experience having to sit behind the wheel. i observed THREE THINGS, which i never took notice of before:
1. The lanes in the infamous EDSA are never straight. they'd curve a little to the right at one point, then a little to the left at another. the most scary part is that it even grows narrow. and this calls for extra maneuvering work. (phew!)
2. My maximum speed is 60 kph. (okay, so i can hear your snickering now...) two things: its better to be slow than sorry, and, I'm just a neophyte.
3. (This is connected to #2) People really don't mind if you're slow. Yes, they'll overtake you and stuff, but it's really an each-to-his-own-car world out there. whether you drive at top speed or turtle behind the others, just as long as you dont hit anyone, stall at the middle of the road or change lanes without making any signal whatsoever, you're pretty sure that you'll come out alive.
Im grateful that we did come out alive after that grueling 45 minute drive. and im also thatnkful because today, i've grown a little more out of my hollow shell.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
A GOOD Friday
Reminiscing old times has always taken my breath away.
I left for Don Bosco Canlubang last March 21, Good Friday, to join the seminary community in celebrating Holy Week. After packing my things at gunpoint, my brother drove me to the bus station where I only had an hour and thirty to beat if i wanted to catch the 3 PM Veneration of the Cross. why was i rushing from Manila to Laguna at such a time? Obedience. I accepted a request of our Parish Priest to share a reflection on one of the Last Words of Christ: "Woman, behold your son... (Son,) behold your Mother."
Giving that talk was a blessing in disguise. Not because it was another crowning achievement, but because i needed that wake up call from the Mother of God herself. From the inside-out, it speaks of a time-tested relationship: that of a mother to her son and a son to her mother. And this was exactly what i needed.
Summing up my short sharing, i zeroed into the value of Commitment. specifically: Commitment to Jesus even in times of trial. You see, Mary and John were not just entrusted to each other, but Mary and John were, at the outset, in a place where they were not supposed to be: at the foot of the cross of a criminal. Mary's mere sight of Jesus should have her knees shudder with agony. The mere presence of an apostle to his master should have made John an easy target of suspicion. But they were both there, committed to their Lord even in the darkest and most terrifying of times.
Ironically, too, it speaks of my own sense of commitment. Do I know how to stand by Jesus at the foot of his cross? Whenever i choose sin to sacrifice, i abandon Jesus. Whenever i don't make relationships work, i disown my relationship with Him. Whenever i choose the easy way out instead of going through inevitable pains in life, I kiss Jesus goodbye and leave him for another false love.
This was the first of my realizations this day. the others were still to come as the day grew longer...
Grace made its way to me as i reached the gates of the school just in the nick of time, and safely. Actually i was a bit late, but i didn't miss any crucial parts yet. with hesitation, i disappeared into the crowd of seminarians and ex-seminarians like me, who were in the choir loft. a potion of inexpressible joy and anticipation gurgled in me as i smiled and curiously waved my accommodating hand once in a while to greet old acquaintances. I was there for a purpose, i whispered to myself. and it was to bring back life to my already-dying sense of Commitment to God.
As the cross was being unveiled in front of us, we sang, as we were made to. ever since i entered the seminary, Good Friday celebrations were my cup of tea, and these all slowly came back to me. "I used to be the one covering that cross..." "i used to be the one running here and there, orchestrating the movements of the servers and making sure everything was in place..." "i used to be a very big part of this..." And as i see things unfolding right before my eyes, the best and least thing i could do was to pray and relish the moment with Jesus.
We were supposed to "exit the church in silence," as the rubics indicated, but i couldn't help but get together with my batchmates, bestfriends, brothers who were there, sharing the same purpose with me. I, Marnel, Joseph, Edward, Ryan, Ronel, six from the original batch of sixteen, were all there to both catch up on the latest news and refresh their relationship with God. smiling faces were all around, even though a most solemn commemoration of the Suffering and Death of Christ had just preceded. With us together, we made our way to the Stations of the Cross and to the rest of the schedule.
The night grew darker as we joined the wake of the mother of our Rector, Fr. Rolo, which was in the bungalow adjacent to the Cogliandro House. I was able to once again relish my ties with Juvelan, my classmate in High School, who now happens to be one of the prenovices this year. I also had the chance to be with my classmates and just enjoy their company.
Recalling the many events of the day has made me quite tired. but just sitting down and 'being' made my day complete. i realized too that i didn't have to "be part of the action" to be able to feel the weight of things on me.
Looking at things again, Jesus was likewise "being" with the whole world when he suffered and carried that cross for us. and because of this, he was able to relish, feel, experience every part of our humanness in order to save us.
I left for Don Bosco Canlubang last March 21, Good Friday, to join the seminary community in celebrating Holy Week. After packing my things at gunpoint, my brother drove me to the bus station where I only had an hour and thirty to beat if i wanted to catch the 3 PM Veneration of the Cross. why was i rushing from Manila to Laguna at such a time? Obedience. I accepted a request of our Parish Priest to share a reflection on one of the Last Words of Christ: "Woman, behold your son... (Son,) behold your Mother."
Giving that talk was a blessing in disguise. Not because it was another crowning achievement, but because i needed that wake up call from the Mother of God herself. From the inside-out, it speaks of a time-tested relationship: that of a mother to her son and a son to her mother. And this was exactly what i needed.
Summing up my short sharing, i zeroed into the value of Commitment. specifically: Commitment to Jesus even in times of trial. You see, Mary and John were not just entrusted to each other, but Mary and John were, at the outset, in a place where they were not supposed to be: at the foot of the cross of a criminal. Mary's mere sight of Jesus should have her knees shudder with agony. The mere presence of an apostle to his master should have made John an easy target of suspicion. But they were both there, committed to their Lord even in the darkest and most terrifying of times.
Ironically, too, it speaks of my own sense of commitment. Do I know how to stand by Jesus at the foot of his cross? Whenever i choose sin to sacrifice, i abandon Jesus. Whenever i don't make relationships work, i disown my relationship with Him. Whenever i choose the easy way out instead of going through inevitable pains in life, I kiss Jesus goodbye and leave him for another false love.
This was the first of my realizations this day. the others were still to come as the day grew longer...
Grace made its way to me as i reached the gates of the school just in the nick of time, and safely. Actually i was a bit late, but i didn't miss any crucial parts yet. with hesitation, i disappeared into the crowd of seminarians and ex-seminarians like me, who were in the choir loft. a potion of inexpressible joy and anticipation gurgled in me as i smiled and curiously waved my accommodating hand once in a while to greet old acquaintances. I was there for a purpose, i whispered to myself. and it was to bring back life to my already-dying sense of Commitment to God.
As the cross was being unveiled in front of us, we sang, as we were made to. ever since i entered the seminary, Good Friday celebrations were my cup of tea, and these all slowly came back to me. "I used to be the one covering that cross..." "i used to be the one running here and there, orchestrating the movements of the servers and making sure everything was in place..." "i used to be a very big part of this..." And as i see things unfolding right before my eyes, the best and least thing i could do was to pray and relish the moment with Jesus.
We were supposed to "exit the church in silence," as the rubics indicated, but i couldn't help but get together with my batchmates, bestfriends, brothers who were there, sharing the same purpose with me. I, Marnel, Joseph, Edward, Ryan, Ronel, six from the original batch of sixteen, were all there to both catch up on the latest news and refresh their relationship with God. smiling faces were all around, even though a most solemn commemoration of the Suffering and Death of Christ had just preceded. With us together, we made our way to the Stations of the Cross and to the rest of the schedule.
The night grew darker as we joined the wake of the mother of our Rector, Fr. Rolo, which was in the bungalow adjacent to the Cogliandro House. I was able to once again relish my ties with Juvelan, my classmate in High School, who now happens to be one of the prenovices this year. I also had the chance to be with my classmates and just enjoy their company.
Recalling the many events of the day has made me quite tired. but just sitting down and 'being' made my day complete. i realized too that i didn't have to "be part of the action" to be able to feel the weight of things on me.
Looking at things again, Jesus was likewise "being" with the whole world when he suffered and carried that cross for us. and because of this, he was able to relish, feel, experience every part of our humanness in order to save us.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Long overdue...
It's March, and the summer sun is starting to seep in.
Everyone knows that i no longer belong to the "hallowed" grounds of the seminary. i made my final decision and officially stepped out last February 2, complete with despedida parties and farewell wishes.
Tonight, one month and fifteen days after, i still am convinced that i made a God-blessed decision.
Flew so fast, time. And with it, silent moments, reflected events, budding acquaintances, lifelong friends, a feather on the hat, rare opportunities, a simple life.
Wow. i never thought i missed so much. but as the adage goes, when we close a door we open another. And true enough, i have been equally blessed with events which proved my capacity to do thus. i havent been well through my two-month break, but God has already given me a chance to work and make good use of myself and my expertise. i tutored a grade six student from International School and with it, brushed up on my college major. a little while after that, i was offered a post in Don Bosco Canlubang in the College English Department. in a little more than two weeks, i would be handling World Literature for their summer term. Not to be neglected, too, is my acceptance to a more permanent vocation in teaching in my High School alma mater. Come May, i would be part of their English Department, and would be battling nay, collaborating with the energetic yet infamous bosconians.
I have never had a need for speed. yet all these are taking me by surprise. well, i guess the meek, silent, opportunity-waiter Miguel has changed. Change being taken as a relative term.
On the sideline, i have also been engaged in studying how to drive. My two brothers are excellent AND very sarcastic driving instructors, which make them fit well with my driving skills (imagine the agony i go through!). I may be well underway in getting my first non-pro driver's license this week.
i have also been working out in the gym. i've been at it for a couple of weeks now, and you wouldnt believe the progress i'm making! (four pounds lost in every session -- WOW! ...and a hundred pounds gained in every meal!!) no, but seriously, thank God for our bodies! in a way, we really have something tangible to care for (that implies the necessity of spiritual workouts too!).
modesty aside, i have also been invited to give talks to various groups here and there. these boost my public-speaking skills, and are a good source of income if you fall under the Occupationally-Challenged category of the Young People of the Republic of the Philippines (in short, a bum).
well, i think this wraps up what has been "long overdue." i just needed to take a breather and put into writing the things which would definitely go down to the annals of history.
if this sounded egocentric, wait till you meet the author.
Nah, just kidding... he's a humble, silent, shy-type, (VOICE OVER fades into the background), G*d-feari*g, frie*dly, (VOICE OVER diminishes more), und*rst*nd*n**, c*r**ng, (TOTAL SILENCE...)
Toooot...
Everyone knows that i no longer belong to the "hallowed" grounds of the seminary. i made my final decision and officially stepped out last February 2, complete with despedida parties and farewell wishes.
Tonight, one month and fifteen days after, i still am convinced that i made a God-blessed decision.
Flew so fast, time. And with it, silent moments, reflected events, budding acquaintances, lifelong friends, a feather on the hat, rare opportunities, a simple life.
Wow. i never thought i missed so much. but as the adage goes, when we close a door we open another. And true enough, i have been equally blessed with events which proved my capacity to do thus. i havent been well through my two-month break, but God has already given me a chance to work and make good use of myself and my expertise. i tutored a grade six student from International School and with it, brushed up on my college major. a little while after that, i was offered a post in Don Bosco Canlubang in the College English Department. in a little more than two weeks, i would be handling World Literature for their summer term. Not to be neglected, too, is my acceptance to a more permanent vocation in teaching in my High School alma mater. Come May, i would be part of their English Department, and would be battling nay, collaborating with the energetic yet infamous bosconians.
I have never had a need for speed. yet all these are taking me by surprise. well, i guess the meek, silent, opportunity-waiter Miguel has changed. Change being taken as a relative term.
On the sideline, i have also been engaged in studying how to drive. My two brothers are excellent AND very sarcastic driving instructors, which make them fit well with my driving skills (imagine the agony i go through!). I may be well underway in getting my first non-pro driver's license this week.
i have also been working out in the gym. i've been at it for a couple of weeks now, and you wouldnt believe the progress i'm making! (four pounds lost in every session -- WOW! ...and a hundred pounds gained in every meal!!) no, but seriously, thank God for our bodies! in a way, we really have something tangible to care for (that implies the necessity of spiritual workouts too!).
modesty aside, i have also been invited to give talks to various groups here and there. these boost my public-speaking skills, and are a good source of income if you fall under the Occupationally-Challenged category of the Young People of the Republic of the Philippines (in short, a bum).
well, i think this wraps up what has been "long overdue." i just needed to take a breather and put into writing the things which would definitely go down to the annals of history.
if this sounded egocentric, wait till you meet the author.
Nah, just kidding... he's a humble, silent, shy-type, (VOICE OVER fades into the background), G*d-feari*g, frie*dly, (VOICE OVER diminishes more), und*rst*nd*n**, c*r**ng, (TOTAL SILENCE...)
Toooot...
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
"From that time on...
...Jesus began to preach and say, "Repent, for the Kingdom of heaven is at hand."
These are not my words.
I copied it from Matthew, as he speaks of the beginnings of Jesus' Galilean mission in his Gospel.
But in so doing, i am making it Mine too.
The events were quick and unstoppable. during the last few weeks before our submission of our application letter, i was even very excited about what would happen in a few months time. Little did i know that God was preparing something more for me.
It so happened that a wake up call jolted me out of my dream mode, which, apparently i have been in all throughout these past years. the event (i should not mention details, lest my decision might take on a bad light) was a blessing in disguise and my saving grace. it was sooner than i thought that i realized only one thing: Have i really, concretely, convincingly made up my mind to become a Salesian, or am i still prancing around, hoping, one day to don the ego-enhancing cassock, take on the letters SDB, and walk home and say: "Look at me! I'm different now!"?
seriously, i know i haven't.
i haven't even thought about an alternative life if anything possibly goes wrong! i always thought, no, rather, i have always been made to think that this is the only life for me.
And taking this as the premise of everything, my motivations are still in that 'first year seminarian' stage, only now, justified in so many other ways.
This is where the roller coaster ride began.
I looked back at the nine months of "living the life" and i say, Gosh! i dont even think i'm enjoying this anymore (i dont want to hurt anyone in saying this, take this with a grain of salt, and read in- between the lines). of course i have been doing the most extraordinary things, experiencing the most unique of encounters, and have been taking on privileges that i never even thought a Salesian is entitled to have!
I read and re-read my novitiate journal, and i could tell you frankly, with evidence at hand, that since day One, i have been feeling ill about something. i could sense that something was wrong. It was a good thing that i was able to let pass nine months before coming to a conclusion, lest i would be living in a despondent subterranean desert, arid and cold, with no road to turn to.
I prayed and sought peace where it beckoned me. With God's grace and all of your prayers, i know that I have made the best decision i could make both in my life now and in the lives of the people around me.
Matthew's words, "From that time on..." is actually an antecedent to another line, which talks about the arrest of John the Baptist and Jesus' consequent loneliness. it reads: "When Jesus heard that John had been arrested, he withdrew to Galilee..."
a cause. an effect.
a missing. a mission.
an end. a new beginning.
i dont like the former, because im tired of hearing people say, "Sayang!" or "Bakit?" I think i'm well over those, and i want to be where i should be: at the start of something new.
thanks for hearing me out.
Lets pray for each other.
These are not my words.
I copied it from Matthew, as he speaks of the beginnings of Jesus' Galilean mission in his Gospel.
But in so doing, i am making it Mine too.
The events were quick and unstoppable. during the last few weeks before our submission of our application letter, i was even very excited about what would happen in a few months time. Little did i know that God was preparing something more for me.
It so happened that a wake up call jolted me out of my dream mode, which, apparently i have been in all throughout these past years. the event (i should not mention details, lest my decision might take on a bad light) was a blessing in disguise and my saving grace. it was sooner than i thought that i realized only one thing: Have i really, concretely, convincingly made up my mind to become a Salesian, or am i still prancing around, hoping, one day to don the ego-enhancing cassock, take on the letters SDB, and walk home and say: "Look at me! I'm different now!"?
seriously, i know i haven't.
i haven't even thought about an alternative life if anything possibly goes wrong! i always thought, no, rather, i have always been made to think that this is the only life for me.
And taking this as the premise of everything, my motivations are still in that 'first year seminarian' stage, only now, justified in so many other ways.
This is where the roller coaster ride began.
I looked back at the nine months of "living the life" and i say, Gosh! i dont even think i'm enjoying this anymore (i dont want to hurt anyone in saying this, take this with a grain of salt, and read in- between the lines). of course i have been doing the most extraordinary things, experiencing the most unique of encounters, and have been taking on privileges that i never even thought a Salesian is entitled to have!
I read and re-read my novitiate journal, and i could tell you frankly, with evidence at hand, that since day One, i have been feeling ill about something. i could sense that something was wrong. It was a good thing that i was able to let pass nine months before coming to a conclusion, lest i would be living in a despondent subterranean desert, arid and cold, with no road to turn to.
I prayed and sought peace where it beckoned me. With God's grace and all of your prayers, i know that I have made the best decision i could make both in my life now and in the lives of the people around me.
Matthew's words, "From that time on..." is actually an antecedent to another line, which talks about the arrest of John the Baptist and Jesus' consequent loneliness. it reads: "When Jesus heard that John had been arrested, he withdrew to Galilee..."
a cause. an effect.
a missing. a mission.
an end. a new beginning.
i dont like the former, because im tired of hearing people say, "Sayang!" or "Bakit?" I think i'm well over those, and i want to be where i should be: at the start of something new.
thanks for hearing me out.
Lets pray for each other.
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