Picking up the Fragments

When we were students, we never thought that our teachers themselves had recollections.
All we knew was that every Tuesday during the examination week, classes would be canceled, and we would pound our minds on our books and notes, attempting to "integrate" everything for the coming exams. Little did I know that while i was at home, anxious about the three-day agony, my teachers were doing some "integrating" on their own.

Its quite amusing that I only knew about this now that i am part of the faculty myself.

And just today, while all of my students were doing what i did six years and so ago, i was enjoying a different privilege of taking my time out with God.

Our half-day recollection was facilitated by Fr. Ben Borja, SDB, in the Small Chapel of the school. He shared his reflections on Jesus as the Model Educator. He enumerated eight points by which we, Salesian Educators, could take Jesus as our model in teaching. Getting his premise from the maxim: "nemo dat non quod habet," or "we cannot give what we do not have," he points out that we teachers should get our inspiration from the Holy Spirit Himself, instead of exhausting ourselves in a mere daily "performance" for the boys.

I was struck by many points. The greatest of them, being the question: "What is my reason for teaching?"

I got fixed right there. I know that i've answered this question a lot of times, and have convinced myself that i had the correct answer all along. But why was i still stuck with this fundamental question to myself? Am I too fixed in the past that i fail to look for new answers? Am I asking too much of myself that merely satisfying the question is never at hand? What is my motivation? What is my driving force? What has put me, and has kept me going through these trying months?

There i was, sitting alone in the chapel. Asking. Thinking. Meditating.

But i never got an answer.

I think i broke myself into a little too many fragments since the school year started. And "recollecting" them in such a short time was very insufficient. Its just like what my spiritual director told me: answers to everything don't come when you expect it. it is like catching a butterfly: the more you move and the more you try to catch it, the more it will fly away. But once you sit down and stay completely still, even without you knowing it, it will come to you.

The main point of a recollection is precisely to "collect again." To collect the memories, fragments, and events of my life and "integrate" it into something which will make me a better person. Tonight, my recollection does not end. i hope that when i come back to school tomorrow, for the first day of the exams, i would be able to see the very inspiration which led me and gave me strength to educate with Jesus' heart: my students.