I've traveled that road a million times since I was a child.
But this time, it was like i was treading on alien soil.
We left for our lola's house in Quezon City at 2pm today, and, already seated in the car were my two brothers: Ponso at the very back of our Innova, and Gaboy in the co-pilot's chair. I surmised that neither Mama nor Papa would do the driving, so with jittery hands and sweaty feet, i hopped on and took the dare.
Going to Quezon City from Mandaluyong was easiest via EDSA. And EDSA has never been a pretty sight for me. But with no holds barred, i drove off, ever mindful of my gear-changing, my footwork and the occasional bastards dotting the lanes of EDSA.
It was an exhilarating experience having to sit behind the wheel. i observed THREE THINGS, which i never took notice of before:
1. The lanes in the infamous EDSA are never straight. they'd curve a little to the right at one point, then a little to the left at another. the most scary part is that it even grows narrow. and this calls for extra maneuvering work. (phew!)
2. My maximum speed is 60 kph. (okay, so i can hear your snickering now...) two things: its better to be slow than sorry, and, I'm just a neophyte.
3. (This is connected to #2) People really don't mind if you're slow. Yes, they'll overtake you and stuff, but it's really an each-to-his-own-car world out there. whether you drive at top speed or turtle behind the others, just as long as you dont hit anyone, stall at the middle of the road or change lanes without making any signal whatsoever, you're pretty sure that you'll come out alive.
Im grateful that we did come out alive after that grueling 45 minute drive. and im also thatnkful because today, i've grown a little more out of my hollow shell.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
A GOOD Friday
Reminiscing old times has always taken my breath away.
I left for Don Bosco Canlubang last March 21, Good Friday, to join the seminary community in celebrating Holy Week. After packing my things at gunpoint, my brother drove me to the bus station where I only had an hour and thirty to beat if i wanted to catch the 3 PM Veneration of the Cross. why was i rushing from Manila to Laguna at such a time? Obedience. I accepted a request of our Parish Priest to share a reflection on one of the Last Words of Christ: "Woman, behold your son... (Son,) behold your Mother."
Giving that talk was a blessing in disguise. Not because it was another crowning achievement, but because i needed that wake up call from the Mother of God herself. From the inside-out, it speaks of a time-tested relationship: that of a mother to her son and a son to her mother. And this was exactly what i needed.
Summing up my short sharing, i zeroed into the value of Commitment. specifically: Commitment to Jesus even in times of trial. You see, Mary and John were not just entrusted to each other, but Mary and John were, at the outset, in a place where they were not supposed to be: at the foot of the cross of a criminal. Mary's mere sight of Jesus should have her knees shudder with agony. The mere presence of an apostle to his master should have made John an easy target of suspicion. But they were both there, committed to their Lord even in the darkest and most terrifying of times.
Ironically, too, it speaks of my own sense of commitment. Do I know how to stand by Jesus at the foot of his cross? Whenever i choose sin to sacrifice, i abandon Jesus. Whenever i don't make relationships work, i disown my relationship with Him. Whenever i choose the easy way out instead of going through inevitable pains in life, I kiss Jesus goodbye and leave him for another false love.
This was the first of my realizations this day. the others were still to come as the day grew longer...
Grace made its way to me as i reached the gates of the school just in the nick of time, and safely. Actually i was a bit late, but i didn't miss any crucial parts yet. with hesitation, i disappeared into the crowd of seminarians and ex-seminarians like me, who were in the choir loft. a potion of inexpressible joy and anticipation gurgled in me as i smiled and curiously waved my accommodating hand once in a while to greet old acquaintances. I was there for a purpose, i whispered to myself. and it was to bring back life to my already-dying sense of Commitment to God.
As the cross was being unveiled in front of us, we sang, as we were made to. ever since i entered the seminary, Good Friday celebrations were my cup of tea, and these all slowly came back to me. "I used to be the one covering that cross..." "i used to be the one running here and there, orchestrating the movements of the servers and making sure everything was in place..." "i used to be a very big part of this..." And as i see things unfolding right before my eyes, the best and least thing i could do was to pray and relish the moment with Jesus.
We were supposed to "exit the church in silence," as the rubics indicated, but i couldn't help but get together with my batchmates, bestfriends, brothers who were there, sharing the same purpose with me. I, Marnel, Joseph, Edward, Ryan, Ronel, six from the original batch of sixteen, were all there to both catch up on the latest news and refresh their relationship with God. smiling faces were all around, even though a most solemn commemoration of the Suffering and Death of Christ had just preceded. With us together, we made our way to the Stations of the Cross and to the rest of the schedule.
The night grew darker as we joined the wake of the mother of our Rector, Fr. Rolo, which was in the bungalow adjacent to the Cogliandro House. I was able to once again relish my ties with Juvelan, my classmate in High School, who now happens to be one of the prenovices this year. I also had the chance to be with my classmates and just enjoy their company.
Recalling the many events of the day has made me quite tired. but just sitting down and 'being' made my day complete. i realized too that i didn't have to "be part of the action" to be able to feel the weight of things on me.
Looking at things again, Jesus was likewise "being" with the whole world when he suffered and carried that cross for us. and because of this, he was able to relish, feel, experience every part of our humanness in order to save us.
I left for Don Bosco Canlubang last March 21, Good Friday, to join the seminary community in celebrating Holy Week. After packing my things at gunpoint, my brother drove me to the bus station where I only had an hour and thirty to beat if i wanted to catch the 3 PM Veneration of the Cross. why was i rushing from Manila to Laguna at such a time? Obedience. I accepted a request of our Parish Priest to share a reflection on one of the Last Words of Christ: "Woman, behold your son... (Son,) behold your Mother."
Giving that talk was a blessing in disguise. Not because it was another crowning achievement, but because i needed that wake up call from the Mother of God herself. From the inside-out, it speaks of a time-tested relationship: that of a mother to her son and a son to her mother. And this was exactly what i needed.
Summing up my short sharing, i zeroed into the value of Commitment. specifically: Commitment to Jesus even in times of trial. You see, Mary and John were not just entrusted to each other, but Mary and John were, at the outset, in a place where they were not supposed to be: at the foot of the cross of a criminal. Mary's mere sight of Jesus should have her knees shudder with agony. The mere presence of an apostle to his master should have made John an easy target of suspicion. But they were both there, committed to their Lord even in the darkest and most terrifying of times.
Ironically, too, it speaks of my own sense of commitment. Do I know how to stand by Jesus at the foot of his cross? Whenever i choose sin to sacrifice, i abandon Jesus. Whenever i don't make relationships work, i disown my relationship with Him. Whenever i choose the easy way out instead of going through inevitable pains in life, I kiss Jesus goodbye and leave him for another false love.
This was the first of my realizations this day. the others were still to come as the day grew longer...
Grace made its way to me as i reached the gates of the school just in the nick of time, and safely. Actually i was a bit late, but i didn't miss any crucial parts yet. with hesitation, i disappeared into the crowd of seminarians and ex-seminarians like me, who were in the choir loft. a potion of inexpressible joy and anticipation gurgled in me as i smiled and curiously waved my accommodating hand once in a while to greet old acquaintances. I was there for a purpose, i whispered to myself. and it was to bring back life to my already-dying sense of Commitment to God.
As the cross was being unveiled in front of us, we sang, as we were made to. ever since i entered the seminary, Good Friday celebrations were my cup of tea, and these all slowly came back to me. "I used to be the one covering that cross..." "i used to be the one running here and there, orchestrating the movements of the servers and making sure everything was in place..." "i used to be a very big part of this..." And as i see things unfolding right before my eyes, the best and least thing i could do was to pray and relish the moment with Jesus.
We were supposed to "exit the church in silence," as the rubics indicated, but i couldn't help but get together with my batchmates, bestfriends, brothers who were there, sharing the same purpose with me. I, Marnel, Joseph, Edward, Ryan, Ronel, six from the original batch of sixteen, were all there to both catch up on the latest news and refresh their relationship with God. smiling faces were all around, even though a most solemn commemoration of the Suffering and Death of Christ had just preceded. With us together, we made our way to the Stations of the Cross and to the rest of the schedule.
The night grew darker as we joined the wake of the mother of our Rector, Fr. Rolo, which was in the bungalow adjacent to the Cogliandro House. I was able to once again relish my ties with Juvelan, my classmate in High School, who now happens to be one of the prenovices this year. I also had the chance to be with my classmates and just enjoy their company.
Recalling the many events of the day has made me quite tired. but just sitting down and 'being' made my day complete. i realized too that i didn't have to "be part of the action" to be able to feel the weight of things on me.
Looking at things again, Jesus was likewise "being" with the whole world when he suffered and carried that cross for us. and because of this, he was able to relish, feel, experience every part of our humanness in order to save us.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Long overdue...
It's March, and the summer sun is starting to seep in.
Everyone knows that i no longer belong to the "hallowed" grounds of the seminary. i made my final decision and officially stepped out last February 2, complete with despedida parties and farewell wishes.
Tonight, one month and fifteen days after, i still am convinced that i made a God-blessed decision.
Flew so fast, time. And with it, silent moments, reflected events, budding acquaintances, lifelong friends, a feather on the hat, rare opportunities, a simple life.
Wow. i never thought i missed so much. but as the adage goes, when we close a door we open another. And true enough, i have been equally blessed with events which proved my capacity to do thus. i havent been well through my two-month break, but God has already given me a chance to work and make good use of myself and my expertise. i tutored a grade six student from International School and with it, brushed up on my college major. a little while after that, i was offered a post in Don Bosco Canlubang in the College English Department. in a little more than two weeks, i would be handling World Literature for their summer term. Not to be neglected, too, is my acceptance to a more permanent vocation in teaching in my High School alma mater. Come May, i would be part of their English Department, and would be battling nay, collaborating with the energetic yet infamous bosconians.
I have never had a need for speed. yet all these are taking me by surprise. well, i guess the meek, silent, opportunity-waiter Miguel has changed. Change being taken as a relative term.
On the sideline, i have also been engaged in studying how to drive. My two brothers are excellent AND very sarcastic driving instructors, which make them fit well with my driving skills (imagine the agony i go through!). I may be well underway in getting my first non-pro driver's license this week.
i have also been working out in the gym. i've been at it for a couple of weeks now, and you wouldnt believe the progress i'm making! (four pounds lost in every session -- WOW! ...and a hundred pounds gained in every meal!!) no, but seriously, thank God for our bodies! in a way, we really have something tangible to care for (that implies the necessity of spiritual workouts too!).
modesty aside, i have also been invited to give talks to various groups here and there. these boost my public-speaking skills, and are a good source of income if you fall under the Occupationally-Challenged category of the Young People of the Republic of the Philippines (in short, a bum).
well, i think this wraps up what has been "long overdue." i just needed to take a breather and put into writing the things which would definitely go down to the annals of history.
if this sounded egocentric, wait till you meet the author.
Nah, just kidding... he's a humble, silent, shy-type, (VOICE OVER fades into the background), G*d-feari*g, frie*dly, (VOICE OVER diminishes more), und*rst*nd*n**, c*r**ng, (TOTAL SILENCE...)
Toooot...
Everyone knows that i no longer belong to the "hallowed" grounds of the seminary. i made my final decision and officially stepped out last February 2, complete with despedida parties and farewell wishes.
Tonight, one month and fifteen days after, i still am convinced that i made a God-blessed decision.
Flew so fast, time. And with it, silent moments, reflected events, budding acquaintances, lifelong friends, a feather on the hat, rare opportunities, a simple life.
Wow. i never thought i missed so much. but as the adage goes, when we close a door we open another. And true enough, i have been equally blessed with events which proved my capacity to do thus. i havent been well through my two-month break, but God has already given me a chance to work and make good use of myself and my expertise. i tutored a grade six student from International School and with it, brushed up on my college major. a little while after that, i was offered a post in Don Bosco Canlubang in the College English Department. in a little more than two weeks, i would be handling World Literature for their summer term. Not to be neglected, too, is my acceptance to a more permanent vocation in teaching in my High School alma mater. Come May, i would be part of their English Department, and would be battling nay, collaborating with the energetic yet infamous bosconians.
I have never had a need for speed. yet all these are taking me by surprise. well, i guess the meek, silent, opportunity-waiter Miguel has changed. Change being taken as a relative term.
On the sideline, i have also been engaged in studying how to drive. My two brothers are excellent AND very sarcastic driving instructors, which make them fit well with my driving skills (imagine the agony i go through!). I may be well underway in getting my first non-pro driver's license this week.
i have also been working out in the gym. i've been at it for a couple of weeks now, and you wouldnt believe the progress i'm making! (four pounds lost in every session -- WOW! ...and a hundred pounds gained in every meal!!) no, but seriously, thank God for our bodies! in a way, we really have something tangible to care for (that implies the necessity of spiritual workouts too!).
modesty aside, i have also been invited to give talks to various groups here and there. these boost my public-speaking skills, and are a good source of income if you fall under the Occupationally-Challenged category of the Young People of the Republic of the Philippines (in short, a bum).
well, i think this wraps up what has been "long overdue." i just needed to take a breather and put into writing the things which would definitely go down to the annals of history.
if this sounded egocentric, wait till you meet the author.
Nah, just kidding... he's a humble, silent, shy-type, (VOICE OVER fades into the background), G*d-feari*g, frie*dly, (VOICE OVER diminishes more), und*rst*nd*n**, c*r**ng, (TOTAL SILENCE...)
Toooot...
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
"From that time on...
...Jesus began to preach and say, "Repent, for the Kingdom of heaven is at hand."
These are not my words.
I copied it from Matthew, as he speaks of the beginnings of Jesus' Galilean mission in his Gospel.
But in so doing, i am making it Mine too.
The events were quick and unstoppable. during the last few weeks before our submission of our application letter, i was even very excited about what would happen in a few months time. Little did i know that God was preparing something more for me.
It so happened that a wake up call jolted me out of my dream mode, which, apparently i have been in all throughout these past years. the event (i should not mention details, lest my decision might take on a bad light) was a blessing in disguise and my saving grace. it was sooner than i thought that i realized only one thing: Have i really, concretely, convincingly made up my mind to become a Salesian, or am i still prancing around, hoping, one day to don the ego-enhancing cassock, take on the letters SDB, and walk home and say: "Look at me! I'm different now!"?
seriously, i know i haven't.
i haven't even thought about an alternative life if anything possibly goes wrong! i always thought, no, rather, i have always been made to think that this is the only life for me.
And taking this as the premise of everything, my motivations are still in that 'first year seminarian' stage, only now, justified in so many other ways.
This is where the roller coaster ride began.
I looked back at the nine months of "living the life" and i say, Gosh! i dont even think i'm enjoying this anymore (i dont want to hurt anyone in saying this, take this with a grain of salt, and read in- between the lines). of course i have been doing the most extraordinary things, experiencing the most unique of encounters, and have been taking on privileges that i never even thought a Salesian is entitled to have!
I read and re-read my novitiate journal, and i could tell you frankly, with evidence at hand, that since day One, i have been feeling ill about something. i could sense that something was wrong. It was a good thing that i was able to let pass nine months before coming to a conclusion, lest i would be living in a despondent subterranean desert, arid and cold, with no road to turn to.
I prayed and sought peace where it beckoned me. With God's grace and all of your prayers, i know that I have made the best decision i could make both in my life now and in the lives of the people around me.
Matthew's words, "From that time on..." is actually an antecedent to another line, which talks about the arrest of John the Baptist and Jesus' consequent loneliness. it reads: "When Jesus heard that John had been arrested, he withdrew to Galilee..."
a cause. an effect.
a missing. a mission.
an end. a new beginning.
i dont like the former, because im tired of hearing people say, "Sayang!" or "Bakit?" I think i'm well over those, and i want to be where i should be: at the start of something new.
thanks for hearing me out.
Lets pray for each other.
These are not my words.
I copied it from Matthew, as he speaks of the beginnings of Jesus' Galilean mission in his Gospel.
But in so doing, i am making it Mine too.
The events were quick and unstoppable. during the last few weeks before our submission of our application letter, i was even very excited about what would happen in a few months time. Little did i know that God was preparing something more for me.
It so happened that a wake up call jolted me out of my dream mode, which, apparently i have been in all throughout these past years. the event (i should not mention details, lest my decision might take on a bad light) was a blessing in disguise and my saving grace. it was sooner than i thought that i realized only one thing: Have i really, concretely, convincingly made up my mind to become a Salesian, or am i still prancing around, hoping, one day to don the ego-enhancing cassock, take on the letters SDB, and walk home and say: "Look at me! I'm different now!"?
seriously, i know i haven't.
i haven't even thought about an alternative life if anything possibly goes wrong! i always thought, no, rather, i have always been made to think that this is the only life for me.
And taking this as the premise of everything, my motivations are still in that 'first year seminarian' stage, only now, justified in so many other ways.
This is where the roller coaster ride began.
I looked back at the nine months of "living the life" and i say, Gosh! i dont even think i'm enjoying this anymore (i dont want to hurt anyone in saying this, take this with a grain of salt, and read in- between the lines). of course i have been doing the most extraordinary things, experiencing the most unique of encounters, and have been taking on privileges that i never even thought a Salesian is entitled to have!
I read and re-read my novitiate journal, and i could tell you frankly, with evidence at hand, that since day One, i have been feeling ill about something. i could sense that something was wrong. It was a good thing that i was able to let pass nine months before coming to a conclusion, lest i would be living in a despondent subterranean desert, arid and cold, with no road to turn to.
I prayed and sought peace where it beckoned me. With God's grace and all of your prayers, i know that I have made the best decision i could make both in my life now and in the lives of the people around me.
Matthew's words, "From that time on..." is actually an antecedent to another line, which talks about the arrest of John the Baptist and Jesus' consequent loneliness. it reads: "When Jesus heard that John had been arrested, he withdrew to Galilee..."
a cause. an effect.
a missing. a mission.
an end. a new beginning.
i dont like the former, because im tired of hearing people say, "Sayang!" or "Bakit?" I think i'm well over those, and i want to be where i should be: at the start of something new.
thanks for hearing me out.
Lets pray for each other.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
